


EASY TO LOVE

by Jantique



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Drama, Episode Related, Established Relationship, Ficlet Collection, First Time, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-30
Updated: 2011-08-30
Packaged: 2017-10-23 06:37:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/247289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jantique/pseuds/Jantique
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of McShep vignettes, discrete but all from the same lifetime. A trip to the Pegasus on gossamer wings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	EASY TO LOVE

**Author's Note:**

> NOT a songfic - all the vignettes have Cole Porter song titles, but there are NO song lyrics contained herein – okay, one line. Just one, I promise. Some of the vignettes are episode-related, others are not. With thanks to Steinbeckslut, with those kind permission I quoted from her story, "Wardrobe".

From This Moment On (Spoiler for Rising)

"You can go to another galaxy," said Weir.

"The Lost City of Atlantis," said Jackson.

"I think people who don't want to go through the Stargate are ... whacked," said O'Neill.

They were insane, all of them. But if it were true –

The thing was, Sheppard liked Antarctica. He got to fly. No one was shooting at him. He didn't have to shoot at someone else. It was peaceful. He didn't miss the adrenaline rush, he told anyone who asked. Even some who didn't.

O'Neill wanted a decision, so John flipped a coin, his lucky silver dollar. It came up heads, so he said yes. But he promised himself he would flip it again before he went on this cockamamie trip to who-knew-where. If he didn't back out entirely.

In between turning on artifacts and sitting in the alien chair – and wasn't that cool – he took time to assess the people. It was important to know who had your six – and whose six you were prepared to cover.

Weir: civilian, professional diplomat, seemed fair. John just hoped she wouldn't try to negotiate with anyone shooting at them.

Sumner: his boss. No joy there. Sheppard would have to prove himself to earn the Colonel's respect. John wasn't sure it was worth it.

Ford: a puppy, eager to please. He'd do all right as long as he had clear orders to follow.

Beckett: affable, charming. They were friends already, even if Beckett had tried to shoot Sheppard out of the sky. Anyone could make mistakes.

But most of all, Dr. Rodney McKay: who was always in his face, giving orders, riding roughshod over his subordinates, who he treated like inferiors, arrogant, obnoxious, bellicose and – as he constantly told everyone – a genius. McKay, who had so many fears Sheppard couldn't imagine him crossing the street alone. McKay, whose love of science and ceaseless curiosity overleaped those fears, sending him joyfully to another galaxy. Sheppard honestly didn't know what to make of him.

Shortly before they left Antarctica, Sheppard had an interesting conversation with McKay. He hadn't expected it.

The base tried to adhere to a normal day/night schedule, but Antarctica played merry hell with everyone's circadian rhythms. It wasn't unusual to find Sheppard and a couple of others working out in the exercise room at 0230. It was a little more surprising, to Sheppard at least, to see McKay come in. He was wearing a t-shirt that read, "Coed Naked Physics". It had a picture of Einstein's head, with the hair all over, below which was the slogan, "Einstein did it at c2." John couldn't resist teasing him.

"Hey, McKay, I didn't know you exercised."

"Oh, hardy-har-har. I do recognize the importance of keeping my body in good condition for my brain to function properly. What I'm _not_ interested in is washboard abs and bulging arm muscles, or whatever you're working on there."

John was riding a stationary bike, but let it pass. McKay got on the treadmill, setting off at what was, for him, a brisk walking pace. John watched for a while, decided that getting McKay revved up was fun, and said, "You know, if you walk any slower, that treadmill's going to go backwards. You'll never lose that gut unless you run a little."

McKay sighed the sigh of the much-put-upon. "Let me explain it to you _slowly_ , Major. In words of one syllable. We are in Antarctica. It is very cold here. You are much too skinny, and your body mass will never keep you warm. I, on the other hand, have a protective layer of fa-uh, flesh, to keep me from freezing." He looked smug. "And if you're going to point out that we'll be leaving Antarctica soon, let me add that we don't know what Atlantis will be like. Best to be prepared."

It was John's first experience into what he would later term "the McKay Zone". The other men working out left, and the two of them pedaled/walked for a while in a comfortable silence. After a while, McKay spoke.

"I wouldn't say I'm peripatetic," he said, "but I have been around the world a bit. Canada, the U. S., Si—Russia, now here. Oh, and I forgot England. You?"

"I've been around," John admitted. "Every continent on Earth, actually."

"So where do you call home?", McKay persisted.

"I'm not sure," came the reply slowly.

"I lived in Colorado for a few years, but I never called it home. If anything – there's my sister in Vancouver, but we haven't spoken in years. You know how it is."

"Same here," Sheppard agreed. "My father."

McKay quoted Robert Frost, "'Home is the place where, when you have to go there,  
They have to take you in.'"

Sheppard wistfully added the next line, "'I should have called it  
Something you somehow haven't to deserve.'"

"So we're both homeless. Maybe Atlantis will be our home. I mean, not just a place but, you know - _Home_."

It was a new thought. John was used to being homeless. As for Atlantis, he'd been expecting adventure, aliens, maybe death rays – the usual sort of thing, as portrayed by sci-fi movies. Not – a home. Someplace where he _belonged_.

McKay looked almost fearful, as though he'd gone too far, revealed too much of himself. So John nodded and smiled and said, "Yes, maybe we'll all find a new home there." He and McKay made unlikely family, but he'd seen stranger.

McKay smiled, relieved. "We'll build a new home in Atlantis, like the pioneers out on the prairies. Only this time we'll do it with science!"

John didn't know about that. But maybe it wouldn't be so bad having McKay along, after all. And John was definitely going. He would flip that damn coin as many times as necessary to make it come up heads. He was going to Atlantis, and maybe, just maybe, he would find his home.

  
~ ~ ~

  
I've Got You Under My Skin

Rodney McKay lay in an infirmary bed on his side, in a not-quite fetal position. His pale skin was mottled with multicolored bruises, turning purple-black-green, and his ass hurt. Most of the scars were invisible.

John Sheppard pulled a chair around backwards and swung into it. "So," he drawled, in a deliberately casual voice, "Doc says you're going to be just fine." A cliché, sure, but what did you say at a time like this?

Rodney snorted. "Of course I'm fine. I told him that. Tell him to release me, will you?"

John knew fine. This wasn't it. "I guess he wants to keep you for observation. And, um, you have to talk to Heightmeyer."

Rodney got a mulish look. "No, I don't. I see no point in dwelling on the past. It's over, finito, move on."

John said softly, "Rodney, I'm sorry. I should have been there. Maybe I could have—"

"Maybe you could have been r – attacked yourself. With your luck, they would have killed you!" His voice rose shrilly. "Look, I'm alive, my mind is intact, I'M FINE!"

"Okay, okay, calm down. Look, maybe you should rest. Do you want me to go?"

"No!" Rodney shot out in panic. "Just ... sit. Please." He didn't want to be alone with his thoughts. They sat/lay for a while in silence.

"Look, Sheppard," Rodney said suddenly, "I need to tell you something. But – no matter how you feel about it, it stays _here_ , no Carson, no Kate, nobody! Promise me!"

"Yeah, sure." Sheppard leaned forward, but suddenly Rodney couldn't face him. With difficulty, he turned to his other side, facing away. It took him a couple of minutes, but finally he got the words out, his voice low.

"When I was – when he was – I pretended he was you. On drugs or something, or you wouldn't have been so ... so rough. But still, you. Which made it ... almost okay." He ended in a whisper.

Sheppard was stunned. He'd had no idea McKay felt that way. But if it had helped Rodney one iota, that was all that mattered. And if that was what Rodney needed now ...

"Rodney? Listen, it – it wasn't okay. But you will be." He swallowed hard. Go for broke. "I've loved you for a very long time. I had myself convinced that I couldn't have what I really wanted. _We're_ gonna be okay, Rodney. You and me, together." He realized that he had just made a commitment.

"Really?" Rodney swiveled his head to face him again. "You're not repulsed? Do you think we could be – you know – because I don't think I can –"

"Hey, hey, hey. You don't have to do anything tonight. We'll just sit here together, okay?" He reached out and carefully took Rodney's hand.

Rodney gripped his hand tightly. "Oh – okay. John?" His voice quavered, just a little. "I guess I could talk to Kate if – you stay with me. Do you mind?"

John frowned. "I don't know if – sure, Rodney, whatever you want. I'll stay with you."

"Good." Rodney sank back, relieved. Then he smiled, that crooked little half-smile, and John's heart melted. It would take time and work, he knew, but yeah, Rodney would be okay. And they would be okay. Together.

  
~ ~ ~

  
Ev'ry Time We Say Goodbye (Spoiler for Trinity)

  
 _"I would hate to think that recent events might have permanently dimmed your faith in my abilities, or your trust. At the very least, I hope I can earn that back."_

 _"That may take a while. But I'm sure you can do it if you really, really try."_

  
So that was it. His teammate, friend, lover, JOHN – gone.

Rodney felt horribly guilty after the Project Arcturus debacle. He'd blown up a solar system! (Well, five-sixths. More than enough.) He felt that John probably shouldn't forgive him, but desperately hoped that he would.

Actually, it seemed that no one in Atlantis would forgive him. Zelenka's contempt he deserved, he knew. Rodney apologized profusely and brought Radek coffee and chocolate, until Radek said, "Rodney, do you want to be my boyfriend? No? Enough, then! We will ... manage." They got roaring drunk on the contents of Zelenka's still. Sufficiently inebriated, McKay admitted that his own remarks had smacked of petty jealousy, and yes, Zelenka was probably just as smart as he was. He just lacked (as Rodney put it) self-confidence. After that, they were friends again. Almost.

As for the rest, he recognized that Elizabeth's and John's attitudes probably a lot to do with everyone else's coldness. He didn't care about most of them, though. He'd lived without friends before. But he missed Elizabeth. She'd always been fair to him – in the past. And he needed John. His coldness sucked the air out of the room. Rodney found it difficult to breathe.

McKay was an intellectual genius, but emotionally – not so much. It took him the better part of a week before he could think about his relationship rationally. (And honestly, how could you think about emotions rationally?!) He was half-asleep, mumbling, "If you'd done it, I'd forgive you. I love you."

He sat bolt upright in bed with a start, followed by a steady stream of cursing. He thought the lights on, quickly got dressed and marched down the hall, cursing and calling down invectives upon Sheppard's head all the while. He barged into Sheppard's room. (Apparently John hadn't revoked his access.) He thought, 'Lights on full,' which shortly produced swearing by the occupant, who had been peacefully asleep.

"YOU!" Rodney exclaimed. He pointed his finger vindictively, lest there be any doubt.

Sheppard looked at him blearily. "Rodney?"

"You know, Sheppard, you have one helluva nerve. I know what I did. Forget the stupid uninhabited solar system – I almost got us killed, and because of my arrogance, Collins died. His death will be on my conscience for the rest of my life.

"But you – you woke the Wraith! You shot your Commanding Officer and you WOKE THE WRAITH! You're personally responsible for half the misery in the entire galaxy! Did people blame _you_? Hell, you got a _promotion_! They all forgave you! More important – _I_ forgave you! Because I knew you thought you were doing the right thing, and because I love you!

You – you can't _trust_ me?! Either you think I deliberately failed, or that I lied to you, knowing I would fail, or you don't lo – you don't – " His voice broke.

Sheppard listened in stunned silence. Of course he didn't think that but, but -

"You know what, _Colonel_? Fuck you and the spaceship you rode in on! There's nothing between us. I was a moron to ever think there was." He turned on his heel and walked to the door.

John found his voice, sitting up abruptly. "No, Rodney, wait! Listen, I love you, you know that. It's just – I mean, you screwed up, Rodney. It's not about how I feel – and you love me, right? So –"

Rodney cut him off without turning, speaking to the door. "I know how badly I screwed up. But I _trusted_ you to be there for me, even when I was wrong. That's what love is about."

John felt ashamed. When all the world turned against Rodney, he hadn't been there for him.

"And now? Do you trust me – love me?"

There was a minute of silence. Finally Rodney said, "I did. Maybe someday, I will again. That may take a while. But I'm sure you can do it if you really, really try." Then he left. Behind him, the door slid silently shut. The silence echoed through the room, filling the space, swallowing up all the air. John felt that he was suffocating.

But Rodney had said he could try. He recognized his own words flung back at him, but still – Rodney said he could try. And damnit, he would _try_. And try again. Whatever it took, to regain Rodney's trust – and his love.

  
~ ~ ~

  
You Do Something to Me (Spoiler for The Tao of Rodney)

When McKay got his "superpowers", thanks to the Ancient machine that modified his DNA, supposedly putting him on the road to ascension, he saved Zelenka's life. When he realized what he'd done – that he had, essentially, brought someone dead back to life – he ran from the room. Sheppard followed him.

After a long, panicked run, Rodney eventually came to rest on a balcony overlooking the ocean. He was trembling, not from cold. John quietly came up behind him and put his arms around him. Rodney gave a gasp and leaned back, still tense.

" _That_ ," said Rodney, "that was the most _terrifying_ thing I have ever done. You know how I say Carson practices voodoo – and he does, it's all guesswork – but I could see, I knew exactly what to do. And I did it! It scares the crap out of me – I don't know what I'm turning into! Gods, I don't want this!"

John knew better than to say, 'But you saved Radek's life,' or 'There's nothing to be afraid of,' and certainly not, "Everything's going to be all right.' He thought it over and finally said, "You're still Rodney McKay and I still love you."

Rodney turned his head to look at his lover. "Really? No matter what I turn into?"

"No matter what, Rodney." John smiled.

"And even ... after I die?" His voice quavered.

John's face grew grim. "Rodney, if it's tomorrow or a hundred years from now, I'll still love until you die. And even after. And if you ascend, you'd just better come back to me. You hear?"

Rodney's whole body relaxed. "Oh – okay. Just checking." He leaned back against John again, knowing John would hold him. Then they stood and looked out at the ocean, until Rodney thought of a brilliant new way to recalibrate the long-range sensors. He burst out of John's hold, talking a mile a minute, striding toward the control room – when he suddenly stopped, came back, and resumed his former position in John's arms.

John, confused, asked, "What was that all about?"

"Oh," Rodney explained, leaning back and rubbing his head against John's cheek, like a cat, "I had this brilliant idea, but – I don't know how much time I have left, and I don't want to waste it. I'd rather stay here with you."

"Oh."

They stood there, not really looking at the ocean, for a long time.

  
~ ~ ~

  
Let's Misbehave (Spoiler for The Game)

McKay wasn't yelling; he wasn't berating. It was more-in-sorrow-than-in-anger that he, ah, _admonished_ Dr. Zelenka.

"Radek, you should have _known_ better! Did you learn _nothing_ from Sheppard and me? Messing with Ancient machines always leads to trouble!"

"I am very sorry, Rodney." Radek was truly apologetic. "We were only trying to help."

"Yes, well, at least Sheppard and I have the excuse that we thought it was only a game. You and Lorne knew there were real people involved."

"Yes, but – the people were hungry, and there was land in the south. We just gave them some good ideas," Radek protested.

"That's not what I heard," Rodney contradicted. "You and Lorne got into trade wars, didn't you?"

Radek hung his head.

  
Meanwhile, in another part of the city:

"- not to mention violating the Prime Directive."

"The, uh, Prime Directive, sir? That's on 'Star Trek'."

"I know that, Major, but the principle is the same: giving people advanced technology they're not ready to handle."

"We didn't really, sir. Just potato-melon things and baskets. Really nice baskets."

"You should have known better, Major. If Dr. Weir hadn't shut you down, I would have."

This was monstrously unfair – Sheppard had _started_ the whole thing - but what was a 2IC to do but swallow hard and take it?

"Sir, yes, sir!"

  
Later, that same galaxy, in McKay's quarters (actually, on McKay's custom-ordered bed):

"I talked to Lorne."

"Oh, good. I talked to Radek."

A heartfelt, simultaneous chorus of: "They should have known better!"

Rodney hesitantly asked, "It's not _our_ fault, right?"

"No, of course not!" John was adamant. "No way we could have known. Although we should have realized that the Ancients never gave a free gift without a booby-trap attached."

Rodney, who had been forced to take Classical Literature in college (a totally useless course, not even a squishy science!), quoted, "I beware of Greeks even when they come bearing gifts."

"Yeah, right. Only in this case, it should be geeks bearings gifts, heh-heh."

"I am not a geek! And I didn't – "

"Calm down, Rodney! Not you, the Ancients. Pass the lube, willya?"

Mollified, Rodney passed the lube.

John had another thought. "Hey, you think Lorne and Zelenka are ...?"

"Are what?"

John waggled his eyebrows.

"For heaven's sake! No, they're not lovers! At least, I don't think so."

John grinned. "I guess not every flyboy in the Pegasus is lucky enough to have his own geek."

"I am not – oh, never mind. Okay, I'm yours. So we're good, right? Kiss and make up?"

"Of course we're good, McKay. As long as you admit that you cheated and violated the Prime Directive."

"Wha-? I DID NOT CHEAT! Gimme that!"

(Sound of plastic tube hitting wall.)

"Whatdya do that for?!"

Rodney was spitting. "Because you're not gonna need it tonight, Captain Kirk! Prime Directive, my ass!"

"Now, Rodney, Roddd-neeee...."

"Wha- no, don't do that; I absolutely refuse to have se – I said NO, is your hearing imp – yes, yes, right there – again – don't stop! I said don't stop!"

John patiently pointed out, "I have to go get the lube. You're the one who threw it across the room."

Rodney, multi-tasking, tried to think and hump John's hand at the same time.

"No, wait, we can, um, um –" Inspiration struck. "We can 69!" He wasn't the greatest genius in two galaxies for nothing.

So they did. They kissed and made up. And they were good.

  
~ ~ ~

  
You're the Top

  
Dr. McKay was frantically giving instructions, which Lt. Col. Sheppard was doing his best to obey. It wasn't easy.

"Ah! Yes, more – right there – no, no, there, yes, _there_ \- fuck me now – wait, wait, give me a minute – okay, now push – harder – yes, there! – more, I said – yes – John! John! John!" As Rodney convulsed around him, John found his own release.

"Oof! Geroff! You're heavy!"

John obligingly rolled to one side, panting.

After he caught his breath and was once more capable of rational thought, he drawled, "Pushy bottom, aincha, McKay?"

"Well, d'oh! Isn't that the point?"

"Huh?" John could just tell they were making a left turn into the McKay Zone.

"Bottoms get to be in control, right?" Rodney explained. "Unless you're into the whole Dom/sub thing, which I _so_ am not! You know me, I feel ... vulnerable when I'm not in control. So, yes, I'm a pushy bottom."

'Okay,' John thought, 'that made sense in a McKay-sort of way.' He asked, "And that leaves me where?"

Rodney grinned wickedly. "Well, if baby, I'm the bottom, you're the top!"

  
THE END

 


End file.
